I’ve been staying at the same Westin hotel for the last couple of months.  I have a few tips for management:

1. Stop calling me.  Every time I order room service, I get 3 phone calls before the food actually arrives. “Hi Mr. Herbert, I just wanted to let you know that we have your order.” “Hi Mr. Herbert, your food will be up in 5 minutes.”  Just bring me the food and stop bothering me!
2. Give me a place to hang up my workout clothes.  I bring one set of workout clothes to the hotel each week.  I’d like a place to hang up my sweaty shirt so it dries out before the next day.  A simple hook in the bathroom would be great.  (In all fairness, I don’t think I’ve worked out twice in the same week yet, but it’s the principle of the thing)
3. Just get out of my room.  The room service delivery person insists on showing me all of my food when it’s delivered.  She lifts the cover off each plate and announces what I’ve ordered.  I order the same thing every time, I don’t need you to tell me what it is.  I half-expect her to say “Ta-Daaa!” each time, which would admittedly make it tolerable.
4. Make the internet faster.  If I’m going to pay $9.95 for an internet connection, you could at least have the decency to give me more than 10mpbs/second.

On the plus side, you’ve definitely figured out the plug thing.  I love the powerstrip that emerges from the desk…no more crawling around on the floor to find an open outlet.

More fun with exhibitionist charts.

Admit it….you wish you were married to me.

Yesterday, on Metro-North, I sat next to a guy wearing a bathrobe.  He was reading a science fiction novel by Arthur C. Clarke, and popping pills.  It was weird.

I arrived at home and told Greta.  She laughed, and then pointed at me and said “You see, it’s a slippery slope.”

That really made me laugh.  Sure, I’m a strange guy, and I love science fiction, but am I that strange?  Can any of you people actually see me riding a commuter train in a bathrobe?

This chart shows a breakdown of our expenses over the last 3 months.  Taxes are a whopping 36% of the total.  (This is withholding, not actual tax payments, but it’s a fair estimate)

Making pie charts on a Saturday….priceless.

Thank god It’s Friday

Originally uploaded by christopherh01

One of the best things about consulting is Friday.

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Consultant, Superhero

Originally uploaded by christopherh01

Our chances of being audited this year might be slightly higher than in past years.

Turbo tax worked overtime yesterday. (It’d better work hard….this is the first year I bypassed trusty file-sharing Azureus and actually paid $120 for it). We had some major life changes: selling a condo, moving 229 miles for a new job, having a baby. We had some large donations-dozens of books donated to a local library and a van load of furniture and clothing (in addition to small cash donations to the elite learning institutions that hound and guilt me each year).

We had income in 3 states: new hampshire, new york, and connecticut.  But the biggest red flag for the IRS will probably be my wife’s occupation: Superhero. I can’t take credit for thinking of this (I saw it somewhere on the internets), but it’s totally true.

To prove my point, you’ll have to check out Greta’s new blog.

http://babyfoodblog.wordpress.com
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Marines & Protesters

Originally uploaded by christopherh01

My wife and I went to Target today to buy milk, deodorant, and baby sweatpants. Exciting day. On the way there, we passed a rowdy group of anti-war protesters in front of the library. They carried signs with paintings of Kim Jong Il and George W. Bush, and they chanted and waved at drivers.

At the same intersection, 4 or 5 older men in red jackets collected donations from passing cars. Their signs said “Cash for Wounded Veterans.”

It was a strange contrast. At one point, one of the former marines dropped his collection cup and it started to blow away. The protesters shouted “It’s A sign!” As if god caused the cup to drop as a sign that all veterans are going to hell.

It kinda pissed us off. The soldiers deserve every respect, despite what you may feel about the war. Besides, these guys were old. The protesters do themselves a great disservice by disrespecting veterans and old people.

But it was fun to watch the drama unfold in our neighborhood.

I know The Onion is just a humor site, but sometimes they’ve strangely prophetic.

In this infographic, The Onion predicts that McCain will court the hip, young blogger vote by tapping a hip, young blogger for VP.

I’m 29 and I have a blog.  If there’s any doubt about my hipness, just check out this post, where I clearly demonstrate my knowledge of the youth ritual known as “pong.”

McCain Herbert 2008!

Do I have your vote?

I’ve been playing around with Friendfeed, a lifestreaming service.  You can aggregate all of your RSS feeds in one place, and follow your friends.

Great for stalking.

The setup process was easy and clean.

Greta thought this meant…

Originally uploaded by christopherh01

…$3 million per week IN STAMFORD. Ha ha.

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Last night, as I was trying to understand the Bear Stearns buyout, Greta asked me a simple question: “How does this affect us?”

It’s a tough question.

In the short term, it doesn’t affect us at all. My job is secure, we don’t own a home, and we don’t plan to access our (tiny) investment portfolio until Jack goes to college. In fact, falling interest rates could be lucrative for us, because it could allow me to refinance my student loans at much more attractive rates (if anyone is willing to refinance student loans come July)

But let’s imagine the worst case scenario for a minute. Cue dreamy music….

• Lehman Brothers announces that it is taking an unexpected $20 billion writedown of its mortgage related assets
• Lehman Brothers files Chapter 11
• SAC Capital implodes
• Tudor shuts down
• Wal-Mart is unable to issue commercial paper
• Wal-Mart is unable to pay its suppliers
• Supermarkets are no longer able to stock basic necessities like milk and bacon.
• You see where I’m going with this.
• Mastercard and Visa shut down their payment networks over fear that issuing banks will not be able to pay up
• The Fed cuts interest rates to zero
• The Fed hooks up firehoses to armored trucks and sprays money at bewildered citizens
• Gun-toting libertarians smile
• Warren Buffet buys Bank of America for $0.02/share

It’s kind of fun to imagine what the total disintegration of the United States would look like. Not fun, ha ha, but an interesting thought experiment. Let’s hope today goes better than that.

Incidentally, if you’re curious what anarchy might look like, check out J Neil Schulman’s Alongside Night. It’s awesome.