I am running for class secretary.

Leslie and I have teamed up to combat the “axis of evil.” Leslie and I were in study group together in winter term…they say that relationships formed under hardship are stronger than normal relationships. I promise you that Leslie and I have endured hell together, and our friendship has survived. If you don’t believe me, try working with Ranjot or Jeff for a few months. Those guys are first class morons. Or worse, try to survive 2 months of Aki, that mean, heartless Japanese woman.

(Note: I use first names to protect the innocent. But how many Ranjot’s or Aki’s do you know?)

Anyway, I’m excited about the chance to be class secretary. This may sound uncharacteristically mushy, but I’m really going to miss my classmates. I think that good writing can help bring people together with shared memories and culture. I hereby pledge to do my best to make the semi-annual Class Notes funny, balanced and easy to read.

Funny: A touch of humor is critical, or we will get bored reading about the successes of our classmates. But it should never be insulting.

Balanced: There is nothing more annoying than reading about the same group of people in every column, as if we give a crap about their pathetic lives. We’ll keep it balanced so that everyone’s voice is heard.

Easy To Read: I’ve received one “S” at Tuck, and it was in ManCom. But that’s only driven me to further hone my HSV techniques. Let’s be honest, you’re skimming right now because I’m so good.

So please, vote for class secretary. Leslie and I are so much more talented and organized than the competition, it should be a no-brainer!