As I prepare to transition to the next stage of my life, I wish to thank you, loyal readers of the Tuck Profit, for your support. You have been with me from the beginning, and I have made you all wealthy in humor. The unspoken question–what happens if you graduate?–must finally be answered. As I’ve repeated many times over the years, I am replaceable. The mainstream press doesn’t want to believe this, as they rely on hero worship for their profits. But it’s true.
The time has come. I have decided to retire.
It was apparent from the beginning that it would take at least 4-5 individuals to assume all of my duties and perform them in a satisfactory manner. None of the internal candidates were capable, so we initiated an outside search. Hundreds of candidates were interviewed, but none were capable.
It turns out that replacing me is impossible. I am a talented writer with a great sense of humor, an independent thinker, an HTML/CSS expert, a born rebel, a natural leader, and just charming enough to get away with mass appropriation of OPW (other people’s writing).
Once I lowered my standards somewhat, I was able to find an adequate candidate to take over: Alex Mulley T’08. Please congratulate Alex as he tries to follow my colossal legacy, and remind him not to fuck it up.
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