One of the hardest parts about being a father, at least so far, is realizing that I am now a role model. An extremely impressionable human being is going to watch my every move for the next 25 years,and it will affect his entire world view. Eventually, he’ll realize that his father is just another guy, prone to making mistakes and trying to grind out a life. But for the next 25 years, I’m on stage.
I am probably the worst role model that I could imagine, at least when it comes to the truly important stuff. I know what you’re thinking: Chris, you’re perfect! What do you mean by that?
On the surface, things appear fine. I’m generally making good financial decisions and things at work are going really great. Financial stability: check (at least for now!). Note: Greta has A LOT to do with this one.
Also, I know from experience that a lot of stuff passes from father to son through osmosis. I’d like to think that some of my (good) habits will be passed to the next generation.
- He’ll want to stay informed about the world around him.
- He’ll be ambitious to succeed, but never take himself so seriously that he can’t laugh.
- He’ll possess an inexplicable desire to share personal details about himself with his friends, family and the greater world.
I’m pretty sure I got these traits from my own father, and I hope to pass them on to Jack. Media Consumption: check. Sense of humor: check. Assumption that others care about my life: check.
There are tons of bad habits that I’ll pass on as well. These include a tendency to get silent during arguments (infuriating my spouse), general anti-social behavior at most family events and extreme laziness around food preparation and most other household chores. Hopefully Greta can mitigate most of these.
But what I’m most concerned about is that my overall world view is so totally confused and conflicted. I don’t believe in anything. I seem to have no coherent moral code to pass on. Each day I get farther and farther from answering the fundamental question: “how should a good man live?”
If I can’t answer this question, then what is this little creature going to think about the world? About me?
I have a few options here.
- First, I could pick a set of religious beliefs and just punt on the whole issue. This is what most people do–perhaps they’re more content than me, but I will never be able to turn over so much of myself to any institution, and certainly not one as paternalistic and corrupt as a church.
- Second, I can continue along in my angst but practice all of my arguments, so that as Jack gets older I am prepared to defend my positions, thereby giving Jack confidence that all is well.
- Finally, I can just tell him the truth, say “I don’t know” a lot, and cut him loose to figure it out for himself.
Clearly, the third option is where I’m headed. But boy, that’s a lot of pressure! And what if I turn out to be a hypocrite? What will he think when he finds that out?
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