How Do You Sleep (on a plane?)

Last night, I tried to explain my “sleep on plane” system to my wife.

Her response: “How did you win me over? You’re a freak. You were a freak as a child. There must have been a tiny window of normal-ness when you met me.”

Baloney.

Most people on planes have a simple approach: tilt head back, open mouth, snore. Average sleep duration is 3-5 minutes, with constant nodding and awkward cuddling with guy in middle seat accounting for the bulk of the interruptions.

My system is better.

First, I strap on noise-canceling headphones so I can plausibly feign deafness when my coworkers asks me to look up a number.

Next, I take off my shoes and wrap the plush airport blanket around me. The trapped heat helps to simulate a comfortable environment.

Then I inflate the neck pillow with a few long steady puffs. Yes, I own a gray fuzzy inflatable neck pillow. Usually the sound draws a few curious glances as fellow passengers wonder why someone would ever blow up a balloon on an airplane.

The final finishing touch is my manly eye mask—constructed of fine red silk.

I can sleep for an entire flight with this system.

Granted, my teammates and other fellow passengers make judgments about my sanity and wonder what it could possibly be like to live/work with such a high maintenance freak show….but it’s worth it.

Anyone have a better approach?

Update: my wife informs that I left out the (discreet) application of Rhinaris nasal gel to the inside of my nostrils. Hydration is key, people.

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This entry was written by Chris and posted on May 22, 2008 at and filed under Because I'm Not Independently Wealthy: Work. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post. Post a comment or leave a trackback: Trackback URL.

Viewing 7 Comments

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    Two pre-martinis martinis work like a charm.
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    Pre-flight, I meant. Sorry, I've been reinstalling XP on the home computer and I'm a quite dizzy. Hmm ... coma coming on ....
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    For work I have found the best way to get confortable in the plane. I find that I can take off my helmet and place it on top of my reserve parachute and rest my head on that ballistic pillow and sleep until they give the 10 minute warning.....also since most of our jumps are at 3 AM I find it very easy to fall sleep. This plane ride equals sleep conditioning has transfered into my commercial fly experiences where as soon as the engines come one my head is tilted back and I am snoring.
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    My system is very close to yours, but IF you get the window seat, add two things:
    --a sweatshirt to serve as a pillow and
    --another blanket or sweatshirt between your knee and the wall.
    I added those 2 to your system and got a nice 4 hours of sleep to and from Brazil. A little sleeping meds are also nice on a longer trip.

    I laughed when I saw your title, bc when I got home from that trip I told people about my special system too. Oh, but I use earplugs and not headphones!
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    Two (2) gin and tonics for flights under 2 hours. Lunesta or Restoril for flights 2-5 hours. Ambien + the two (2) gin and tonics mentioned before for anything overseas.
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    On the flight home from Barcelona last week, I lucked into a 3-across all to myself.

    That did the trick jes' fine.

    Well, actually I think it was the combination of the real estate + the verrrry late dinner the night prior with my European teammates.

    Usually I can't sleep for anything on a plane.
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    Dreamhelmet combination sleepmask sound blocking pillow. This covers most of your requirements. A neck pillow would be a good addition (although the Dreamhelmet gives some neck support). A window seat is good, and an airline blanket completes the kit. Here is what the Washington Post had to say:

    from The Washington Post Travel Section article by K.C. Summers - June 11, 2000:
    "... Testing ground: A seven-hour evening flight in a middle seat in coach from Washington Dulles to London's Heathrow Airport.

    Testing procedure: As soon as the flight attendant collected my dinner tray, I strapped on my Dreamhelmet (Teddybear model).

    "... Say what you will about its appearance, the Dreamhelmet (not available in stores!) does a creditable job blocking light and sound - kind of a sensory deprivation tank for your head.
    It comes with complimentary earplugs for even more sound-proofing.

    "... The felt lining was soft against my skin...very soft...
    Annoyingly, my seatmate was nudging me. "We're landing in 10 minutes."
    I fumbled with my chin strap, blinking like a mole in the morning light. "Jeez. Aren't they even serving breakfast?"
    "We already had it. Your thing worked!"
    Result: the Dreamhelmet, goofy as it looks, is worth its weight in psychotropic drugs.
    I arrived in London relaxed and rested, having had four hours' uninterrupted sleep - a first for me on a transatlantic flight. And once there, I was able to hit the ground running because I had no jet lag to contend with - another first.
    The Dreamhelmet is also small, squishable and lightweight (about 7 ounces) and stuffs into a carry-on easily... "

    The earplugs are located in one of the secret pocket made to hide money, credit card, valuables (rings, jewelry, pills, etc)
 
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