Last night, around 4 am, I stumbled upon “Can’t We Talk?” by Deborah Tannen.  Tannen explains some common differences between the way men and women communicate.

I found myself shaking my head a lot, and laughing.

Excerpt:

Information vs. Feelings.

A cartoon shows a husband opening a newspaper and asking his wife, “Is there anything you’d like to say to me before I start reading the paper?” We know there isn’t - but that as soon as the man begins reading, his wife will think of something.

The cartoon is funny because people recognize their own experience in it. What’s not funny is that many women are hurt when men don’t talk to them at home, and many men are frustrated when they disappoint their partners without knowing why.

Rebecca, who is happily married, told me this is a source of dissatisfaction with her husband, Stuart. When she tells him what she is thinking, he listens silently. When she asks him what is on his mind, he says, “Nothing.”

All Rebecca’s life she has had practice in verbalizing her feelings with friends and relatives. But Stuart has had practice in keeping his innermost thoughts to himself. To him, like most men, talk is information. He doesn’t feel that talk is required at home.

Yet many such men hold center stage in a social setting, telling jokes and stories. They use conversation to claim attention and to entertain. Women can wind up hurt that their husbands tell relative strangers things they have not told them.

To avoid this kind of misunderstanding, both men and women can make adjustments. A woman may observe a man’s desire to read the paper without seeing it is a rejection. And a man can understand a woman’s desire to talk without feeling it is a manipulative intrusion.

This happens to me almost every morning. I HATE speaking or making eye contact in the morning, at least until I’ve had my coffee. And I’m always telling things to relative strangers and “holding center stage in a social setting.” Just last night I told a story at dinner that I had not previously shared with Greta.

Anyway, there are even bigger implications for these differences if Hillary wins the election.

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