I’m going to be a father.
Tonight, for the first time, I felt some real fear about this. I am going to be responsible for the growing creature inside Greta’s tummy. Every waking moment, for the next twenty years, will be consumed by this creature’s needs.
Holy &*%*$*%!!!
Not sure why it hit me tonight. Probably some combination of the following 3 reasons:
1) Most of my friends are eons from children. We just got back from the Cape, where I had the chance to reconnect with some old friends from college. While it was great to see them, my mind was reeling over how much we’ve all changed. Especially me. I’m about to be a freaking Dad. They’re still partying recklessly and just having fun. Woah.
2) Greta is starting to get physically uncomfortable. The baby is growing, and she notices. No more: “Hey Chris, look, I’m showing!” More like: “Ice cream? Are you kidding? Even if I wanted it, I couldn’t fit A SINGLE SPOONFUL into my stomach. Look at this!! MY STOMACH IS ALL THE WAY UP HERE, SQUEEZED AGAINST MY RIBS!! I FEEL LIKE I’M GOING TO EXPLODE! I’VE NEVER FELT MORE STUFFED!! GET AWAY FROM ME! AND GIVE ME THAT ICE CREAM!!”
Anyway, it’s a good thing our trip to Greece happened earlier in the pregnancy, because she’d be miserable there now, with all the walking around, the staying up late, and the heat.
There’s nothing I can really do, except try to make her life easier. 88% of the time I’m happy to do it, and the other 12% of the time, I fake it. I think I’m pretty convincing. (Don’t worry, she rarely reads this crap, so my cover is probably safe)
The point is that the physical reality of this child is starting to affect our lives (mostly her life). It can be inconvenient. Is that an understatement? I mean, HOLY &*%$!! There’s a baby inside my wife’s tummy, and I’m going to be responsible for it for the rest of its life!!
3) Finally, my new job starts on Thursday, so there’s a fair amount of general anxiety. Some of that anxiety might be expressing itself around the baby.
Wellp, not much we can do about it now. All of the stuff that I’ve been stressing about the last few months–selling our condo, finding an apartment, moving all our crap, starting a new job–all of it is nonsense, in comparison with having a baby.
This is definitely the most mind-blowing change in my life.
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